10 Amusing Romance / Erotica Covers & Titles

ATTENTION

What you are about to read contains sexual content, possible explicit language and other adult things. This post may not be suitable for visitors under 18. In short: Go away if you´re under age. 

 

A book is a book, no matter what´s inside or how the package looks like, right?

Said no book loving person EVER.

It´s no secret that romance / erotica books have the worst covers and sometimes even the most absurd titles. The only good part is you don´t have to go on an intensive book hunt when looking for a romantic or even an erotica novel. Because one can spot them from a mile away.

Covers for some romances and many erotica books have the unbelievable power to scream

 

“HERE! OVER HERE! WE OFFER SEX AND LOTS OF IT”

 

Is that a bad thing? It depends on the reader and what they´re looking for. But there are, without a doubt, horribly amusing book titles for the genre. Covers are one thing, titles another. Combine the two any you can have something explosive.

Would you like to know what I want? A romance novel that doesn´t have a cover image and title that states the obvious. I´d like for once to look at a cover and title without having an inner field trip.  I guess the book Gods think I´m asking for too much.

 

 

I might as well tell you I wouldn´t purchase any of these books based on the title and cover image ( unless they´ve been recommended by my trusted book chics ) Why? Get ready.


 

 

 

#1   `Filling Her Up` & `Knocking Her Up`- Jordan Marie & Jenika Snow

First Reaction:    Howling with laughter

First Thought:    I need a full tank and a baby.

Let´s Talk:   There is a positive side to all this. At least the stud muffins aren´t sporting any outdated tribal tattoos. That´s about all the positive I can come up with.

 

 

 

#2    `Hate Me` – L.P. Lovell

Hate Me

First Reaction:   WTF face

First Thought:    I´ll hate you with pleasure.

Let´s Talk:   Is that a rose in the background? A rose and a cigar smoking snuggle bunny begging to hate him? Is this supposed to change the color of my panties?

 

 

 

#3   `Don´t Look` –  Jessa Kane

 don´t look

First Reaction:    Confused

First Thought:    But how…. Oh nevermind. Just take your panties off. I´ll sniff you out.

Let´s Talk:   Okay, so the cover image is not too shabby. Pretty and coy cover model covering her boobs. The undies aren´t cutting off the blood flow… It´s a decent image. But the title and tagline? Does this mean there´s someone in the room who has to watch while Miss Shy Tits is getting down to business alone? I´m confused.

 

 

 

#4    `Prom King` –  Penny Wylder

 

Prom King

First Reaction:    HOWLING

First Thought:    That´s one fit High Schooler.

Let´s Talk:   You´ve got to be fucking kidding me with that cover and title. A 20- 30 yr old Prom King? Roses?! Rings? For fuck´s sake. I can´t stop laughing.

 

 

 

#5     ` UnScrew Me `  –  Hayley Faiman

unscrew me

First Reaction:    Uuhm…..

First Thought:    I have questions.

Let´s Talk:   Screw you = Fuck you. Screw Me = Fuck me. Let´s screw = Let´s fuck.

UnScrew me = ?  How does one unfuck someone? Unless the person is a bottle. Oh! Now I get it. Being a bottle is probably some hipster term for a lame person. “You bottle, you!” In that case, he can be unscrewed. Uhm, is oily Olly so hot that his mere presence causes things to burn in purple  flames?

 

 

 

#6    `Giving Her My Baby` –  Alexa Riley

Giving Her My baby

First Reaction:    Eye roll

First Thought:    Tell yourself that and you might believe it yourself one day.

Let´s Talk:    Judging by the look on the guy´s face he´s regretting the moment he didn´t “pull out” as the tagline so kindly states. I bet the guy is wishing she would have just swallowed.

 

 

 

#7   `Rubbed Raw` –  Bella Jeanisse

 

rubbed raw

First Reaction:    DYING from laughing so hard

First Thought:    I bet the drumsticks she used feel the same.

Let´s Talk:  Hands down- this is the most amusing title I´ve ever seen. Let´s ignore the half assed cover image for a second here. Rubbed raw? And the title for the second installment will be ” Plucking Splinters From The Beaver” including an unforgettable tagline “She couldn´t find a carrot.”

 

 

 

 

# 8    `Driving Whiskey Wild` –  Melissa Foster

driving whisky wild

First Reaction:     What the….

First Thought:     Don´t do it, Whiskey! Don´t jump!

Let´s Talk:    The cover model looks like he wants to commit suicide – With open pants. I assume it isn´t the author´s intention for her readers to think her character model is in so much misery but.. give me a fucking break. Either take em off or button up. Ain´t no one got time for an open button. It looks like he forgot to redo his pants after a quick wee.

 

 

#9    `Lick` –  Kylie Scott

 

lick

First Reaction ( in 2013 ):     Impressed

First Thought ( in 2013 ):     Someone gonna licky dicky in this one?

Let´s Talk:     Okay, so I actually read this one back when it was first published. Call it a sin done in my blogging beginner years. It´s a classic, though. To be honest- `Lick`wasn´t such a bad read. But the title has brought me so much joy over the years. To this day whenever one of my ex – co bloggers mention Kylie Scott I break out in a laughing fit and rename the book.

Come And Lick A Dick

Wanna Licky Dicky

Licks Away

Stage Lick

I can´t even remember if there was any oral going on in this book ( it´s been 7 years ) or if the head given was any good. But that title… and that brooding musician. Priceless.

 

 

 

#10    Decker´s Wood – Kirsty Dallas

decker´s wood

First Reaction:    Doing double take

First Thought:   I´m scared

Let´s Talk:    THIS is what happens when tribal tattoo guy puts a shirt on. He becomes Decker and has wood. I seriously can´t stop laughing. Can someone tell me if Decker is in the lumber business or if he just suffers from a permanent hard on?

 


 

On a lovely side note:

I have nothing against tribal tattoos. As much as I don´t want to admit it myself, I´ve been a victim of the tribal and tramp stamp tattoos. For those who have tribal / tramp stamp tattoos… I was simply pointing out that these body decorations are out of date ( as will rockabily / sailor / minimalistic tattoos will be in 3, 4, 5 years from now ) regardless how much you still like them ( or not ).
I am also a fan of roses of all colors and sizes.


 

Tell me- Which cover image / book title do you find the most amusing?

 

Many thanks to all who´ve read and appreciated this post. Sending you all my love. ❤

 

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Review: Back To The Club ( A Swingers Story) – Ava Sterling

Synopsis

 

Four is better than two.

Bianca and Chris have been married for years with mixed results on keeping their intimacy alive. Their one spike in recent memory was going to a swingers club. They didn’t do much that visit, but it was enough to spark their curiosity, especially Bianca’s.

A year later, Bianca wants to go back, but she has to convince her husband, who prefers quiet nights at home. She pulls it off with the help of some flirting, but what Chris doesn’t realize is that Bianca intends to do far more than last time.

She wants to experience another couple.

(This explicit, 4,500 word story is intended for adult readers only.)

 

My Thoughts

Ava Sterling delivers a hot short story that´ll change the color of your panties within 10 minutes!

back to the club

I stumbled upon this read while scrolling through my WordPress reader and found a snippet I could hardly ignore. I had to read more. I demanded more!

Every romance / erotica / mature 18+ reader knows sex in books can go 2 ways.

The sex is either extremely good or extremely off-putting.

`Back To The Club` ( A Swingers Story ) by author Ava Sterling was sensual, sexy and oh so good.
And the sex was good ( emphasis on the word `good `).

 

A really well written short story about a couple wanting to keep things interesting in their marriage.

I loved it.

There´s nothing better than reading a story that has great sex in it. ( well, the type of sex I enjoy reading about ) If the sex in a story can make a reader´s vamoomoo react then I´d say the story / author has done their job well.

A slow burn, nail bite worthy scenario that leaves you begging for more!

I definitely want more.

Would I recommend this short story? Yes. I´m sure many erotica readers would appreciate the sensuality and intensity of the theme. You don´t have to be a fan of the swinger community to enjoy this read.

Would I re – read this short story? I would.

 

The Cover – 4 stars ( It´s a catchy cover with great colors. Perfect for the genre.)

The Story – 5 stars ( Yes. There was a story and I appreciated that this short read gave some background info before diving into the nitty-gritty. And, to be honest, the story is relatable. )

The Characters – 5 stars ( Authentic. Relatable. I saw where they were coming from )

My emotional state after finishing this read – Wouldn´t you like to know…* wink *

5 stars

Purchase Links  Amazon.com    Amazon.co.uk

Be sure to follow Ava Sterling here on WordPress and see what the author has in store for you! ❤

Book Review: The Divorce ( The Relationship Quo #1 ) – Nicole Strycharz

Synopsis

Jenzy: I love my husband, but he doesn’t see me anymore. We were collage sweethearts and for seven years I’ve been his wife. Five of those years were bliss; the last two have been a long fall from grace.

He’s the love of my life, the sexy and smart man I saw my future with, but now I don’t think he sees it too. I’m tired of not being seen, I’m tired of not being heard, and I’m tired of being in love alone.
I was his optimistic hippie girl that he couldn’t get enough of. Now I’m just his annoyance.

So I told him, I finally found the backbone and this is our story….

Chris: My wife just told me she wants a divorce. What the hell do I say to that? I thought we were fine-, well fine is a bad word, I thought we were okay. Doesn’t matter what I think because she’s moving out and I can’t really let this happen.

Yeah, she annoys me, we’re total opposites, but I knew that when I met her, she hasn’t changed…maybe I have? I was her anchor, her safety, her home. Now I’m that guy that’s wreaked her and there are plenty of men willing to repair the damage I did.

So I have a plan. Find out what happened to change my affection for her within the last two years, and win her back before someone else does, because I still love her, and she still loves me….I guess….

 

My Thoughts

This is definitely one of those “It´s not the book. It´s me.” cases, as I can see why so many would absolutely fall in love with this book. Everyone except for me.

After I read the synopsis I was ready to dive head first into a story about grown-ups who struggled with married life and a divorce. I mean – The Synopsis revealed that much.

I got exactly what the synopsis promised but in a way I wasn´t prepared for.

I might be completely alone with my opinion but`The Divorce` ( The Relationship Quo #1 ) by Nicole Strycharz wasn´t my cup of tea. The Divorce

The idea of the story was great. The execution wasn´t. In fact – there were a whole list of things I didn´t enjoy about this romance.

  1. Married couple are too opposite and stayed that way.

Yeah yeah. I know. Opposites attract. Hell, I even married a guy who´s my complete opposite. But when you´re a couple you rub off on each other after being together for years. You grow with each other ALL WHILE staying true to yourselves. You have a common ground. The characters in `The Divorce`had nothing of the sort. I expect a little more than just a ” He´s the clean and neat business guy and she´s the chaotic hippy.” I need growth. Couple development. I need to see characters compromise and find a common ground.

2) Hero´s a glorified prick. Oh, how I disliked Chris ( Hero ). But this might be because I have no sympathy for characters who are hurtful and refuse the “see the light”. The message I got from him was, “I´m just an oversized boy wearing a suit who´s lost his favorite toy.”  To this moment, I´m still convinced he didn´t see the light.

3) Jenzy ( Heroine) the hippy was unhappy. I understood that. I also understood why she wanted a divorce. Her character wasn´t exactly grounded, though. She filed for the divorce but kept giving in to her still husband. She dated a guy who suited her more yet she still went back to the prick when he magically popped up.

4) The flashbacks weren´t helpful. Not for the story and definitely not for the characters. In fact – they solified my opinion of the Hero. And they made me think the Heroine was strongly naive. I see how being naiive can be cute but Jenzy being THAT dewy – eyed? There´s nothing remotely cute about that.

5) The divorce. Let´s not kid ourselves. Divorces can be ugly. No matter how settled a couple approaches a divorce, one half always suffers more or both suffer terribly. The approach was a bit flat and ended up in a chaotic mess I hardly understood. I couldn´t feel either side. The divorce didn´t feel like one. The divorce felt like a code word for taking a break.

6) The dialogue. Okay. This is definitely something to argue over. In my opinion the dialogue wasn´t emotional, either. If a couple separates, and one half says he´ll do anything to get the marriage working again, I want to feel it. I wan´t to see it. If the other half says she´s hurt and tired of fighting then maybe, MAYBE a reader deserves to feel that exhaustion or pain in the characters words? Am I asking for too much?

 

Let´s do a quick recap:

The marriage the couple had was a mess. The characters weren´t really into whatever they set out to do. The way they approached their relationship / divorce was chaotic.

I`M unhappy.

Would I recommend this book? This is tricky. I would but only if a reader doesn´t care about emotions in a story. For everyone else who wants all the feels? I´d say skip this read.

Would I re- read this book? No.

 

The Cover – 3 stars ( I like the simplicity of the cover but it´s nothing to go nuts over )

The Characters – 1-2 stars ( *sigh* I´m not going there again )

The Story – 2-3 stars ( I love myself a good relationship story. If it´s good. )

My emotional state after finishing this read – Unhappy.

2 stars

This book is available on Amazon.com

 

 

Book Review- Midnight Caller by N.J. Cole

Book Description

Rebecca Summers enjoys pleasing herself with the curtains open. When a mysterious stranger calls to tell her that he is watching, fantasy becomes reality as she begins to perform for him. Following his instructions over the phone while he watches from afar, she finds herself craving more.

Oliver Durant has always been drawn to humans to exert the dominance and control his kind needs to feel alive. While secretly observing her and calling nightly, he can’t seem to get enough of Rebecca, whom he refers to as butterfly. His urges with her are stronger than the need to dominate, as he is driven to possess her in every way.

Both of their worlds are turned upside down when they finally meet and she agrees to enter into a Dominant/submissive relationship with her Midnight Caller

My Thoughts

Let´s keep this short and painless.

A slight waste of my time.

It´s really disappointing because I expected something completely different when I started reading `Midnight Caller` by author N.J. Cole. I expected a BDSM romance. A well written story that would knock me out of my panties. Well, I sure did get knocked out of my underwear- just not in a good way.

Some scenes were okay- even sexy as hell. But one tiny, little piece of info was NOT included in the book description and that killed the story for me. midnight caller

The moment I found out the Hero was an alien, I actually voiced a „ WTF?“ louder then I intended too. I don´t know about all the other readers who read Midnight Caller, but I wasn´t too extatic reading about an alien dominating. That was, in my opinion, far from sexy. If I wanted to read a sci-fi BDSM romance, I would have looked for one. But I didn´t, so why did I end up reading this book? Because someone forgot to mention the sci-fi part.

I see aliens as creatures who kidnap people at an unholy hour and experiment on them. OR….I just imagine Ridley Scott´s movie, Alien. Remember that scary piece of lump from outer space who used people as hosts or killed them, because…..that´s what aliens do? THAT`S how I see an alien. They don´t screw like Gods. So, no matter how hot the sexy scenes were…..I had such a hard time getting into the mindset I was supposed to go in. I cannot, for all that´s pink and fluffy, wrap my head around that one.

The characters, Rebecca and Oliver did´t do anything for me. Sure, I realized that what they had was supposed to be fantabulous and all, but I felt no connection to either of them, nor did I feel a connection between those characters. I blame it on the alien issue.

I can see why alot of readers loved this book. It WAS hot. It WAS unique. And it WAS out of this world. It was just too out-of-this-world for me. At the end….I didn´t like the whole thing.

If Oliver was a human this story would have been a tad better, but not much .

There is a second book available but I think I´ll pass.

Note to myself: For the future- double check if the book has aliens in it before buying.

Would I re-read this book? Uuhm, nope.

Would I recommend this book? I´m not sure. I´m leaning towards „no“.

 

The Cover- 2 stars ( The cover is too dark ((both old and new)). It´s not really eye- catchy either.)

The Story- 2 stars ( I can´t deal with aliens. That´s just too far away from anything I like.)

The Characters – 2 stars ( Where to start? Where to end? Totally 2 dimentional. Unlikable.)

My emotional state after finishing this read- Fed up.

I´m giving `Midnight Caller` by N.J. Cole 2 out of 5 stars.

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You can purchase this book on Amazon.com by clicking here.

Book Review- Lord Blackwood´s Virgin by Vivienne Wilmont

Book Description

  A sacrificial virgin upon the altar of a demon cult. A handsome lord to rescue her. A wedding. An eager bridegroom. An innocent bride. 

Lord Blackwood embarks into matrimony with his virginal bride in great anticipation. He knows one thing is true. Before the night is over his lovely obsession will be a virgin no more. 

The WEDDING NIGHT DIARIES are a series of fan-fiction inspired short stories giving the reader a “behind-the-keyhole” account of the wedding night adventures of some famous couples you may already know, but if you don’t you’ll soon know a lot more about them than you ever imagined. *snickering* 

***CONTENT RATING*** 
This book is intended for mature readers 18 years and older due to language and scenes of an intimate nature. *more snickering* 

My Thoughts

I´ve read quite a few Raine Miller books years back and this is by far my least favorite from the author’s collection.Lord Blackwoods virgin

Before I begin with my thoughts I´d like to add that this book was a gift from a friend who swore on all that´s pink and fluffy that this novella was absolutely worth a read.

I also have to admit that after reading the description I couldn´t help but notice the questionable „snickerings“. Who snickers in their descriptions? For me- that´s a bit unprofessional, even for a writer who has other great works published. Or, the „snickerings“ are apart of some insider joke. Who knows. I think it´s odd.

I´m glad I didn´t buy this book.

A historical setting with little story, little depth and a whole lot of sex. 104 pages worth of smoochy smoochy and poking the one-eyed snake underneath a skirt.

Don´t get me wrong- I´m all for good sex in romance novels. Throw in a good amount of sex, if you feel the need to. But add the sex to the story. Not the other way around. Because, if you take the sex out of this little pocket-book you´d have nothing left to read.

viv
Thick as a newspaper. Enough sex for 3 books.

Raine Miller likes to add hot and steamy scenes in her stories but this one just took the cake. I feel like my time has been robbed. Nothing enjoyable for me. Cheeky, totally off the charts sex that was clearly written for readers who don´t want a story to interrupt their horniness.

Would I reread this book? No. As a matter of fact… I gave it back to my friend with a small note that said:

„I love you. But please, never gift me a book ever again.“

Would I recommend this book? No.

The Cover – 5 stars ( For a Historical….a truly beautiful image. I usually think all Historical book covers are tacky but this one is just down right beautiful.)

The Story – 1 star ( 90% sex, 10% story. )

The Characters – 1 star ( What´s there to say about characters who do nothing productive besides have sex? Were they relatable? Loving, caring? Well, I can say there wasn´t any rape involved * SNICKERS * I can´t applaud the act itself because…. they had sex. No one gives me a round of applause for having sex. * SNICKERS * )

My emotional state after finishing this read – A big NOPE.

I´m giving `Lord Blackwood´s Virgin` by Vivienne Wilmont ( a.k.a Raine Miller ) 1 out of 5 stars.

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Shall anyone still feel the need to buy this booklet… feel free to  click here .