The Art Of `Live And Let Live` ( In The Book Blog Community)

” But the world is getting worse and I blame the beginning of it´s demise on social media.”

– Ricky Gervais

 

I bet you saw this one coming, didn’t ya? The Art Of `Live And Let live`. Folks, this is exactly what it is. A post about living and leaving others alone.

This is not a click bait.. For the record: I’m not a click bait book blogger so there will be none of that here.

Normally, I´d go ahead and give you a generalized post on my thoughts regarding the topic at hand. I´d throw in some pros and cons and provide some real examples and include my personal opinion. Not this time. I´ve something else in mind.

Stay factual. Stay realistic. Stay diplomatic. Try to stay neutral. That´s what I try to aim for when typing up my posts. For most of the time I reach my own standards.   I don´t blog about books and book related topics to unleash hell onto others for the sake of personal pleasure. Why am I even telling you all this?

Well, something happened today. Something that had shocked me. I spotted a tweet on Twitter that hit close to home.  And the weird part? It was about my blog post and what it did for other people.

Initially, I had not planned on publishing a post over the weekend. Now I feel like one has to go up. For many of you, this might sound so petty. So annoying.  Trust me- I´m just as annoyed. Please bear with me, dear annoyed non participants. My fingers are crossed that this´ll find an end sooner than later. I have just as much important shit to do.

There has been talk regarding my blog posts. Mind you- this isn´t the first time someone disagreed with one of my posts. But it´s the first time I´m seeing a complaint done behind my back.

My life motto is

`Live and let live.`

 

Unfortunately, this concept is totally alien for many people, It´s easy to live and let live. It´s apparently more fun not to. This also applies for book blogging. Most of the time the things I see happening in the book community are fairly harmless ( by harmless I mean things that don´t have people sobbing in the fetus position at night ). A little bitching here, and a lot of nagging there. Most of the time I find this really great. Opinions are what get conversations rolling. You have an opinion on a topic and share it, even welcome other opinions? I´m in! What I don´t like is when things become personal.

By `live and let live`I´m saying accept what others do and move on. Respect a book bloggers opinion and continue with life as it was.

 

`Live and let live.`

 

Yeah. The offended book committee doesn´t share my life philosophy. They say they do but they don´t.  Instead, these people make it their mission to keep my name within their radars. Because they were offended by one of my posts.
Which posts, you ask? What could be so awful that have people feeling all sorts of uncomfortable? Even feeling personally attacked?

 

The Art Of Pointing Fingers At Book Bloggers

Excuse me for not being a friend of finger pointing at book bloggers. You don´t post links from a book blogger and bash them in a group because you´re fucking unhappy. Have you no common sense?

A post about how unnecessary I feel it is to feel offended by the fakeness of Instagram. My personal opinion on this subject aside- I was told my post offended people. No one cared about my opinion. And it was a positive opinion. I was pro `live and let live`.

Here´s what happened: I was a new member of a Facebook book group and shared a post of mine. Keep in mind that I had been a member for only a short period of time before I shared a link to one of my blog posts. The first comment I received was from the admin.

Anne Carter
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” Just read some fucking books.” A sad response from someone I had only exchanged a few words with in a previous post ( she was moody there as well ). Practically a stranger. So, this is how we speak with group members now? I´m appalled by this attitude and behavior.  We´re a book blog community. You can dislike my post but you are not allowed to be uncivilized. My post was clean. I had an opinion. Take it or leave it. Don´t tell me my post was offensive when in reality, you just didn´t like it. There´s a difference. See the difference.

I will not lie- this has been my top 2019 post so far. I´ve had dream worthy views ( and still counting ). I´m pretty sure the majority of the views on this post had been from the offended committee. Because, how dare I talk about a subject and publish my link in a group for book bloggers! Shame on me for trying to be a part of a group.

After that I left the group. Because I´m not stupid. Once an attitude, twice an attitude.. I´m not sticking around for round 3. So, I left. I dusted my hands off and moved on. Best decision I had in a long shot. Unfortunately for me, one group member followed me to my blog and thought it would be wise to continue what I ended in the group  underneath one of my blog posts. One person hunted me down to give me a piece of her mind. Keep in mind- That pilgrim had her little moment in the group I posted my link in. She wasn´t done, though.

 

 

Turns out, I have no empathy because I don´t care about the feelings of others. My post was “harmful”. No, it wasn´t. This discussion was long done for me before the loyal book pilgrim followed me to my blog.

 

 

So, people who are offended by posts are allowed to post about their feelings and I am supposed to sit back and accept wordlessly? No. That´s wrong on so many levels.

 

Then there´s this gem of mine that has caused more than just a stir. This time more people were involved. This is the Twitter post I spotted. The post about my post. A fellow book blogger defended me on her Twitter page and ended up being blocked. Why? Because I published a post about

Why I Don´t Join Book Blog Tours Anymore

The title says exactly what´s in this post. I reveal the reasons why I don´t participate in book blog tours anymore. How can this be misunderstood for anything else? And this had the bush drums going in a book blogger group. Not sure if I should laugh, cry, feel flattered, be shocked…

The reasons have stemmed from my personal experiences. Things that have occurred in the span of my 10 year book blogging career. I have not, and will not reveal the names of these book tour organizers because they´ve retired 2 – 5  years ago.

Why has this post about my not participating in blog tours been written? What was my motive? Do I need one? No. But I´ll amuse everyone anyway. It felt right to share my experiences. I wanted to share my stuff and maybe help others even if it´s by showing them that they aren´t alone with this. What´s wrong with that? Should I have not posted about why blog tours don´t work for ME anymore? Should I have worded the whole thing differently just to have the approval of the offended party? No can do. That would go against my book blog religion.

 

“Some people just don´t care.”

Here´s something to think about:

What would happen ( after having read an experience post of mine ) if the offended person just sat down and asked themselves how this could have happened to a book blogger? The post is open for discussion. Why not get in touch and ask for details. Ask about specifics instead of feeling offended. Because that´s how it looks like from my end of the stick. “I´m offended. I feel attacked.” When it reality my post was never about others. Just me. What is there to feel offended about? Unless these people felt offended on my behalf. Which I highly doubt.

My experiences are my personal facts. You can have your opinion on my opinion but you can´t feel offended by something I´ve dealt with. That´s ridiculous. Unless you´re offended on my behalf. I still doubt that.

 

To sum this whole thing up:

Believe it or not- I wouldn´t publish anything I don´t like. Should someone feel offended by whatever banal post I deem worthy of publishing then there´s always the option of ignoring me.

It´s simple. If you´re not convinced then try it out for yourselves. It works wonders for me.

People, if you are not able to live and let live then at least try! Try for the sake of peace. You can have a good rant. Make a post out of the topic you want to rant about. Ranting is healthy. The behavior I´ve been unofficially subjected to ( because, technically, I haven´t seen the post in the actual Facebook group. Just saw the tweet and was informed by a blogger friend )  is a low form of confrontation. Behind my back. A questionable act against someone who can´t defend themselves because they´re not in the group anymore.

Here´s another thing to consider:

It was clear the person and I weren´t able to meet eye to eye from the start ( although I tried ). The most logical thing to do would be if both went on our merry ways. I did that. The other person didn´t. The fact that this person has been checking on my posts tells me the person is just waiting for something to feel offended about.

The person who targeted my post stated she had planned  to comment on my post at first. She didn´t. I´m now grateful she decided against it. God knows how many more gray hairs I would have gained after a chitchat.

I am not interested in a discussion with this person anymore. Not now, not ever. Should this person reach out to me for whatever reason I will not react. I´ve reacted enough already. The offended parade is officially over. It´s time to move on.

Here´s a kind reminder for the future book blog community: Stop being fucking dicks.

And start working on social skills. Learn how to agree to disagree. Learn how to respect opinions. Learn to live and let live.

 

On a side note:

I´d like to give a huge hug to the person who posted that tweet. She didn´t tag me and I will not tag her because she has been through enough already by defending my blog post and herself.  And of course a Thank You to the person who sent me the screenshot via DM. Thank you. This is what book blogging should be about. Helping each other and standing up for one another. Because what hurts one of us can hurt another book blogger if we keep silent. Thank you, both.

 

On another side note: 

No book blogger should ever stay silent when they feel they´ve been wronged. Speak up. And if you´re not the type then get in touch with a fellow blogger. We don´t just write reviews. We´re a community.

This has been a long post. Much longer than I wanted it to be. My first thought was to dismiss this whole idea of standing up for myself. But I couldn´t. I could be helping others. I want to help others.

What I don´t want it to approach this subject ever again. It´s done. The joke is around the corner. It´s time to read and review and do other fun shit.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you belong to the people who were offended by my posts then do yourselves a favor- Don´t bother commenting. I don´t appreciate wasting my time discussing my crystal clear posts with you. I am not interested.

If you´ve been through the same situation or know someone who has dealt with something similar.. Feel free to share. I´d be more than happy to chat. ❤

 

Much love and don´t forget to share the book love,

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A Book Blogger´s Voice

Book bloggers. You either like ´em or you don´t. You either enjoy what they have to say or you don´t. It´s as simple as that. * sigh * If only it were that simple.

Because these days, everyone has an opinion and people feel a desire to share their thoughts. Book bloggers, authors, food critics, makeup artists… everyone has something to say.

You don´t know this but… I´ve been receiving some negative feedback lately regarding my posts, and also some negative feedback on my personality. Emails, private messages… Basically every type of communication has been used aside from phone calls and public comments to tell me what type of person I am and that my content is harmful towards the people I supposedly target.

Normally, I´d wave those comments off, dismissing the hurtful and false accusations and not lose a minute of sleep over the fact that someone I haven´t had the pleasure to talk to face to face doesn´t like me or agree with the thoughts I share. But this time is different. This time I´ve slightly had enough of being told I´m cruel or hurtful, especially by people who´ve led me on for some time.

This has even gone as far as telling me my comments on fellow blogger´s blog content is questionable.

Here´s a list of accusations made towards my character / me as a human being:

  1. I come across rather aggressive
  2. I steamroll people with my opinions
  3. I´m arrogant
  4. I´m not likable
  5. I´m a shame to mankind
  6. I´m too opinionated

Now, I´m a confident person. I´m very happy in my own skin and I actually ( let´s all brace ourselves ) like myself. I don´t give two shits if I have floppy arms or if I have a flat tummy or not. I have 2 kids and I´m 36 years old. I have better things to do than to break my head over my body imperfections. I have a caring husband who loves me for who I am. I have 2 healthy kids who´ll hopefully become wonderful adults one day ( because I swear, we´re winging parenting. Everything´s possible at this point ). I´m also very fortunate enough to be able to do the things I love, such as book blogging.

In short- I truly appreciate life for what it is and find it a precious gift to be able to spend my time with the people surrounding me. Offline and online.

My focus is to share my thoughts with as many people as possible and find like-minded people who value and appreciate my thoughts / opinions. A huge bonus is when friendships form through blogging.

I don´t fool myself in believing everyone will like my content or will share my opinion. But I do welcome opinions of all kind… as long as they´re not aimed towards my personality. I work very hard on my blog. I spend countless hours reading and chatting with people because that´s something I enjoy doing. It makes me happy.

And then for people to knock on my internet door and accuse me for being a terrible person… That just pisses me off and makes me miserable.

But that´s the thing, right? The internet – It doesn´t give people the opportunity to truly get to know someone.

I get it. The internet is a playground. There are no rules. Everything is allowed. Which also means- strangers are entitled to do whatever the hell they want. I can´t and don´t want everyone to like me. Just as I can´t and don´t feel the need to have to like everyone I meet. If there´s chemistry- Great! If there´s nothing- Well, it was nice meeting you. This happens online and offline. It´s just the way it is. I do´t force bloggers to follow me or read my posts. I don´t expect to be understood all the time.  One of my favorite sayings are:

Never keep a cat from catching mice.

Meaning: I´m not keeping people from moving on. There´s the door. Just close it on your way out because I´m too lazy to get up.

Remember the part when I said I usually don´t let accusations get to me? That´s still true. I try to ignore negative comments aimed towards me, personally. What do I care if a stranger thinks I´m an awful person, right? But the accusations have been adding up. Even from bloggers who follow me.

I began doubting myself. What if I really come across as arrogant? What if I truly have a steamroll personality? And then I look at my kids while seeing these online written accusations in my mind.

You´re a shame to mankind.

You´re too opinionated.

You don´t accept other opinions other than your own.

 

It took some time to snap out of my funk. I shed a few tears and a few nights were spent talking to the husbutt about life in general. We talked about our goals and our achievements. We even discussed my blog and how I saw my blog in the future.

Would I still want to blog 4 years from now? Would I want to keep uploading reviews and reveal the nasty sides of the book universe? Certainly not if it meant receiving comments on my personality! So I came up with new ideas. ( which will be revealed soon )

We even talked about the comments I received… Not very long, though. It dawned on me very quickly that something wasn´t right. First off- These online people… the one´s who have low opinions of me, aren´t worth the time of my day. And second- Those accusations… They´re actually compliments. Because, yes!

I AM very opinionated. I always have been and that probably won´t change.  I grew up with a family who spoke their minds. I´m proud to be opinionated. I want my kids to be just as strong minded. If I have an opinion on something then I´m allowed to say what I think in a respectful manner. I don´t bullshit around, using a pathetic “it wasn´t my intention” excuse to mask a shit situation. People say things for a reason.

I DON`T steamroll over people. Some people just don´t know how to deal with a straight forward personality. I ask questions if I don´t understand someone´s POV. I dig for info because I like to understand. And I do so until I can see someone´s POV. That doesn´t mean my opinion changes… I´m just able to accept an opposite opinion better afterwards.

I DON`T come across as aggressive towards everyone. Some people are just too sensitive. Which is fine. To each their own.

I´m NOT arrogant. While I can see how others might think differently ( because it´s hard to tell over the internet, without seeing facial expressions and without listening to someone´s voice ) I can assure everyone… I´m many things- Arrogant doesn´t even make the list.

The person who claimed that I was a shame to mankind truly needs to rethink their anger. I was called that by a fan after I published a review for a popular book.

And at this point, I don´t really care if I´m likable or not. I´m human. I have feelings. I have my good days and my bad days. The bad days are reserved for the husbutt and my mom. Everyone else receives kindness and respect. Because why make the internet a shittier place than it already is?

I´m a book blogger. I love to read and review books. I don´t tell people I don´t like them. Who does that? Fine. Don´t like my blog or my posts, or whatever else I put online. But my personality?

I´m not the perfect mom and I´m far from being a fantabulous wife. I´m too short and I have a tummy flop. And who knows, I might even have floppy arms ( I´d have to check because I´ve never bothered to think about it ) I´m not a Wednesday Addams and I´m not Mother Theresa, either. I´m me. A woman most online people don´t know. Because I´m many things. Just not what I´ve been accused of.

So, to people who feel the need to give me their honest opinions on my personality…

You all still deserve to be treated with respect. I´m not sure about the kindness, though. Hmm, no. You don´t deserve my kindness. In fact- you deserve to become what you were to me before we crossed paths: Just another faceless figure I never knew existed.

Because the only problem I can see is this:

I´m confident. I´m outgoing. I love life and I certainly love to express my feelings when it comes to books. I love to chat and have debates on controversial topics. I guess you can say I´m an extroverted book nerd ( if there can be such a thing ). This can be seen as something terrible for over sensitive introverts who can´t understand the difference between confidence and arrogance.

 

The bottom line is…

If you want to be a good person- Be a good person. Just because you have a different opinion doesn´t mean others who don´t share your opinions are evil.

And PLEASE do NOT follow me on any social platform if you dislike my personality that much. Because I sure as hell don´t want to be confronted with assholes. Even if I can take it  I don´t enjoy talking to assholes.

If you´re opinionated and open-minded – STAY THAT WAY. It´s a wonderful trait to have.

Life is beautiful. Be accepting. Be tolerant. Be respectful. Be kind. Don´t be hurtful. And don´t be a fucking little internet shit and dish out your disrespect like someone would  hand out candy on Halloween.

I´m also not giving you the satisfaction of calling you out in public so you can have more reason to hate me. You sensitive lot don´t need to be humiliated. It´s a burden enough to have to live with yourselves and your vicious opinions you only share on the internet.

 

As for everyone else… I truly hope you never need to take this step and speak out like I just did. It´s awful. It´s draining. My deepest apologies for this long rant. But there are some things that I needed to get off my chest.

Hope you all have a wonderful day.

Much love,

Morgana