10 Most Bizarre Religious Book Titles

ATTENTION

This post includes religious content. What you are about to read contains explicit language, perhaps an unwelcome opinion and may not be suitable for an audience who takes religion far too seriously. In short: I have a thing or two to say so if you are religious and easily offended you´re welcome to leave in silence. You are not welcome to pray for me, though. 

 

Religion – What a touchy subject. People, pro religion and anti religion, are so opinionated and most will stop at nothing to try to convince the other of their truth. The truth is, though – We all just have to wait until we die to find out what the exact truth is.

In the meantime, Christians ( and other religions ) have done their best to “spread the word of God”. Although I´m an atheist I do ( despite popular belief ) respect religion. What I can´t respect are the book covers and titles for these religious books.

To say these gems are absurd would be an understatement.

 


 

#1  `Anyone Can Be Cool… But Awesome Takes Practice` – Lorraine Peterson

anyone can be cool

First Thought:    Oh for Christ´s sake.

Let´s Talk:    Here´s a quick life lesson: You become your own special type of cool and awesome when you´re older. In the meantime, read a science book.

 

 

 

#2    `Mommy Drinks Because You´re Bad` –  ?

mommy drinks because you´re bad

First Thought:    No. Mommy drinks to survive the day preserve her beauty.

Let´s Talk:   ( preparing a drink for myself ) Aside from the EXTREME high pedagogical value the title has- I´d say this book/booklet deserves to be bashed and the person who wrote this “Quality religious book for children” deserves to be tarred and feathered.

 

 

#3  `God´s Masturbation Solution`– Rev. M. L.  Brown D. D.,  D. C. L

god´s masterbation solution

First Thought:    There´s a solution?!

Let´s Talk:    Okay. Say you don´t like masturbation, or even the thought of it. Fine. But this book makes hands on hanky panky sound like a sin. Or, maybe God is sitting up on a cloud looking down at Egor thinking

“Okay, fine. If you can´t stop then I´ll give you some pointers on how to masturbate the catholic way.”

Perhaps God´s like: “You´re all doing it wrong! Left hand, people Left HAND.”

Or wait! I have another one!

I bet God´s advice would be to sit on your hand until it´s numb then start masturbating. That way, it´ll feel like you´re not touching yourself. Cheat the system, bro!

 

 

 

#4   `Helping The Retarded To Know God`

–  Hans R. Hahn

Helping the retarded to Know God

First Thought:  Fucking hell….

Let´s Talk:    Okay. I have my limits and they´ve just been reached. I had to check for publication date for this gem because I was positive no one in their right mind, not even the hardcore Christians, would be politically incorrect. Sure enough – Published 1969. All jokes aside… This is one of the reasons why I don´t like religion. I couldn´t really care less about the political correctness of the title… It´s more the fact that something like this exists in general.

 

 

 

#5    `Jogging With Jesus` –  C. S. Lovett

jogging with Jesus

First Thought:    Jesus doesn´t have to go everywhere with you.

Let´s Talk:    A life with Jesus can give comfort. A daily jog with Jesus can give you more comfort. I don´t jog, so I wouldn´t know.

 

 

 

#6    `Jesus Calling` –  Sarah Young

Jesus Calling 2

First Thought:   Don´t pick up!!

Let´s Talk:    It seems harmless, right? More the reason to dig deeper. 🙂 From my understanding the author claims to have received messages from Jesus and has written down what HE had said to her. She´s the “mouthpiece” so to speak. I don´t know about you but I find people who claim that ANY voice ( one that doesn´t belong to a solid form ) has spoken to them creepy as fuck. I swear, this makes Carol Anne from the 1982 Poltergeist movie seem less creepier.

 

 

 

 

#7     `Religious Gals Can Play Naughty Too!! `

–  Jamie M. Jones

Religious girls can

First Thought:  There was never a doubt in my mind * wink *

Let´s Talk:    I´m not sure if this was written for hopeful religious men or if it´s supposed to act as an invitation for non religious men. The “No Jezebel Here” made me laugh, though. That gives this whole weird thing a nice touch. What does the author consider to be naughty? Socks on? Socks off? Bra off? Lights on? Do I want to know?

 

 

 

#8    `The Beginner´s Guide To Sex In The Afterlife`

– David Staume

Sex

First Thought:   PRAISE THE LORD

Let´s Talk:   And all of the sudden religion doesn´t sound too bad ( just kidding ). I hope this is true. Would hate to miss out, you know?

Hold on a second…. With who would I be having sex with after life? Please don´t tell me I´d have to deal with afterlife dating, as well? Where´s the `Dating In The Afterlife` book? Is there an afterlife Tinder? A Ghost Anonymous program I can visit in case of a sexual emergency? DAVID!!!!!

 

 

 

 

#9    `How Should Christians Vote?` –  Tony Evans

How Should Christians Vote

First Thought:    Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and you shake it all about….You do the Christian Voting and you turn yourself around. That´s what it´s all a-bout.

Let´s Talk:    This is by far the most idiotic thing I´ve seen in a long shot. The description reveals that Christians shouldn´t ask themselves for WHO they should vote for, but rather ” equip you with solid biblical principles that will challenge you to vote with a “kingdom perspective”- informed, compassionate, and aware of Who is really in charge. ” 

 

 

 

 

#10    `Weekend With Jesus` – Michael Edwin Q.

weekend with Jesus

First Thought:    Did he bring any wine? He better have wine….

Let´s Talk:    It says in the description that this book is written in Christianese. But the title does suggest a wild house party with Jesus. What am I missing here? And why can´t Jesus start wearing Bermuda shorts?

 


 

On A Friendly Side Note:

Although I am not a friend of religion ( at all ) I will not ignore that there are a few religions that actually do good for the world we live in. This post was meant to enlighten and not bash on a specific religion for their extreme and often unexplainable beliefs.

 

Many thanks for taking your time to read this post. I hope you enjoyed ❤

Have a wonderful day,

much love,

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Religion In Romance Novels

This is a topic I´m not all too happy to write about because… Well, there are topics you just don´t discuss. Sadly though, I feel the need to get this off my chest.

Back in the day my first boss gave me some valuable piece of advice:

Never talk about religion, politics or money with a customer. Later in life I added the “raising kids” topic to that list because that´s also something people can easily argue over. A simple fact. I´ve lived by the “Never Discuss….” rule ever since.

After a happy shopping spree on Amazon I spotted a beautiful book cover with a great book title. When I saw the author´s name my excitement grew. Mia Sheridan.

more than words

One of my favorite romance authors published a new book! `More Than Words` was published June 12th! WOOP!

I didn´t hesitate with reading a few Amazon reviews. This one was what sealed the deal for me.

Wow. First off, I think the review was well constructed and perfectly written. The reviewer, despite her non religious beliefs, rated the book with 4.5 stars, whereas I….

… I wouldn´t have been so generous.

Some may see the review as a spoiler. I see the review as helpful.

I´m an atheist. A happy one, at that. I, too, respect and accept other people´s beliefs and would never judge them publicly for what they think exists or not just as I would never want people to judge me openly for not believing in God.

The reviewer is right: Some people think love and religion go hand in hand. I believe religion should stay far away from love and from romance novels. Unless you´re an author writing epic stories about badass vampires and demons who reveal just how twisted and corrupted the religious world is ( Read Hedoschism by Lindsey Clarke on Wattpad )… you shouldn´t really include religion in a romantic story.

Of course, there are many subjects readers avoid, such as: adultery, erotica in general, rape, M/M, F/F, M/M/F, fetish, etc. But none are as controversial as religion.

I´m fully aware that authors will never reach everyone´s hearts with their writing, no matter what they write about or what topic they include. Opinions vary. Why shouldn´t authors be allowed to include religion in their romance novels, right?

Exactly.

But for me, the happy atheist who wants to read a new Mia Sheridan romance novel, it´s disappointing to find out there´s religion included. I won´t buy the book.

Yes. One single review had the ability to influence my book purchase. GOOD! That´s what reviews are for.

I´m actually grateful for the reviewer´s insight because if I had bought the book without knowing about the “issue” that bothered the reviewer I would have been a very unhappy book blogger.

Because I don´t believe in God. Because religion doesn´t make sense to me. Never has and never will.

Now, you´re probably asking what happens when I accidentally stumble upon a romance novel that has religion included.

Due to my lack of interest on the subject I immediately DNF a romance novel that has religious characters in it.

And I also bet you´re asking why I accept religion in paranormal / fantasy novels and not with romance novels?

The answer is simple: Fantasy or paranormal stories are basically modern-day fairy tales drawn out to extreme levels. There´s creativity in world building, character forming and storytelling. For me, God and the Bible fit perfectly in that niche. It´s make – believe. It´s not real.

Whereas romance novels are set in realistic worlds and characters deal with realistic issues. God and the Bible do not fit in a world I can relate with.

I struggle to believe God and contemporary romance novels could ever go hand in hand.

I´ve probably offended many people with my opinion on the subject, even though I´ve tried my best not to discriminate religion or people who believe in God.

But just as religious people have the right to openly love and praise their God ( and those who do praise God do it rather loudly ), I am also allowed to do the unthinkable and state my opinion on how I think religion is nothing more than a waste of time. Seeing religion in romance novels does not sit well with me.

What are your thoughts on the subject? Are you bothered by religion in romance novels? Do you even care if religion is included in any story? Are you delighted to see authors including religion in romance novels?

Do not hesitate to leave a comment. I´m ( thankfully ) one of those people who agree to disagree.

NOTE FOR OVERLY RELIGIOUS MEMBERS OF SOCIETY: I´m happy. Please do not tag me in any religious posts on social media and do not pray for me. If you feel the need to block / unfollow / unfriend me due to our religious differences then I will not stop you.