10 Amusing Romance / Erotica Covers & Titles

ATTENTION

What you are about to read contains sexual content, possible explicit language and other adult things. This post may not be suitable for visitors under 18. In short: Go away if you´re under age. 

 

A book is a book, no matter what´s inside or how the package looks like, right?

Said no book loving person EVER.

It´s no secret that romance / erotica books have the worst covers and sometimes even the most absurd titles. The only good part is you don´t have to go on an intensive book hunt when looking for a romantic or even an erotica novel. Because one can spot them from a mile away.

Covers for some romances and many erotica books have the unbelievable power to scream

 

“HERE! OVER HERE! WE OFFER SEX AND LOTS OF IT”

 

Is that a bad thing? It depends on the reader and what they´re looking for. But there are, without a doubt, horribly amusing book titles for the genre. Covers are one thing, titles another. Combine the two any you can have something explosive.

Would you like to know what I want? A romance novel that doesn´t have a cover image and title that states the obvious. I´d like for once to look at a cover and title without having an inner field trip.  I guess the book Gods think I´m asking for too much.

 

 

I might as well tell you I wouldn´t purchase any of these books based on the title and cover image ( unless they´ve been recommended by my trusted book chics ) Why? Get ready.


 

 

 

#1   `Filling Her Up` & `Knocking Her Up`- Jordan Marie & Jenika Snow

First Reaction:    Howling with laughter

First Thought:    I need a full tank and a baby.

Let´s Talk:   There is a positive side to all this. At least the stud muffins aren´t sporting any outdated tribal tattoos. That´s about all the positive I can come up with.

 

 

 

#2    `Hate Me` – L.P. Lovell

Hate Me

First Reaction:   WTF face

First Thought:    I´ll hate you with pleasure.

Let´s Talk:   Is that a rose in the background? A rose and a cigar smoking snuggle bunny begging to hate him? Is this supposed to change the color of my panties?

 

 

 

#3   `Don´t Look` –  Jessa Kane

 don´t look

First Reaction:    Confused

First Thought:    But how…. Oh nevermind. Just take your panties off. I´ll sniff you out.

Let´s Talk:   Okay, so the cover image is not too shabby. Pretty and coy cover model covering her boobs. The undies aren´t cutting off the blood flow… It´s a decent image. But the title and tagline? Does this mean there´s someone in the room who has to watch while Miss Shy Tits is getting down to business alone? I´m confused.

 

 

 

#4    `Prom King` –  Penny Wylder

 

Prom King

First Reaction:    HOWLING

First Thought:    That´s one fit High Schooler.

Let´s Talk:   You´ve got to be fucking kidding me with that cover and title. A 20- 30 yr old Prom King? Roses?! Rings? For fuck´s sake. I can´t stop laughing.

 

 

 

#5     ` UnScrew Me `  –  Hayley Faiman

unscrew me

First Reaction:    Uuhm…..

First Thought:    I have questions.

Let´s Talk:   Screw you = Fuck you. Screw Me = Fuck me. Let´s screw = Let´s fuck.

UnScrew me = ?  How does one unfuck someone? Unless the person is a bottle. Oh! Now I get it. Being a bottle is probably some hipster term for a lame person. “You bottle, you!” In that case, he can be unscrewed. Uhm, is oily Olly so hot that his mere presence causes things to burn in purple  flames?

 

 

 

#6    `Giving Her My Baby` –  Alexa Riley

Giving Her My baby

First Reaction:    Eye roll

First Thought:    Tell yourself that and you might believe it yourself one day.

Let´s Talk:    Judging by the look on the guy´s face he´s regretting the moment he didn´t “pull out” as the tagline so kindly states. I bet the guy is wishing she would have just swallowed.

 

 

 

#7   `Rubbed Raw` –  Bella Jeanisse

 

rubbed raw

First Reaction:    DYING from laughing so hard

First Thought:    I bet the drumsticks she used feel the same.

Let´s Talk:  Hands down- this is the most amusing title I´ve ever seen. Let´s ignore the half assed cover image for a second here. Rubbed raw? And the title for the second installment will be ” Plucking Splinters From The Beaver” including an unforgettable tagline “She couldn´t find a carrot.”

 

 

 

 

# 8    `Driving Whiskey Wild` –  Melissa Foster

driving whisky wild

First Reaction:     What the….

First Thought:     Don´t do it, Whiskey! Don´t jump!

Let´s Talk:    The cover model looks like he wants to commit suicide – With open pants. I assume it isn´t the author´s intention for her readers to think her character model is in so much misery but.. give me a fucking break. Either take em off or button up. Ain´t no one got time for an open button. It looks like he forgot to redo his pants after a quick wee.

 

 

#9    `Lick` –  Kylie Scott

 

lick

First Reaction ( in 2013 ):     Impressed

First Thought ( in 2013 ):     Someone gonna licky dicky in this one?

Let´s Talk:     Okay, so I actually read this one back when it was first published. Call it a sin done in my blogging beginner years. It´s a classic, though. To be honest- `Lick`wasn´t such a bad read. But the title has brought me so much joy over the years. To this day whenever one of my ex – co bloggers mention Kylie Scott I break out in a laughing fit and rename the book.

Come And Lick A Dick

Wanna Licky Dicky

Licks Away

Stage Lick

I can´t even remember if there was any oral going on in this book ( it´s been 7 years ) or if the head given was any good. But that title… and that brooding musician. Priceless.

 

 

 

#10    Decker´s Wood – Kirsty Dallas

decker´s wood

First Reaction:    Doing double take

First Thought:   I´m scared

Let´s Talk:    THIS is what happens when tribal tattoo guy puts a shirt on. He becomes Decker and has wood. I seriously can´t stop laughing. Can someone tell me if Decker is in the lumber business or if he just suffers from a permanent hard on?

 


 

On a lovely side note:

I have nothing against tribal tattoos. As much as I don´t want to admit it myself, I´ve been a victim of the tribal and tramp stamp tattoos. For those who have tribal / tramp stamp tattoos… I was simply pointing out that these body decorations are out of date ( as will rockabily / sailor / minimalistic tattoos will be in 3, 4, 5 years from now ) regardless how much you still like them ( or not ).
I am also a fan of roses of all colors and sizes.


 

Tell me- Which cover image / book title do you find the most amusing?

 

Many thanks to all who´ve read and appreciated this post. Sending you all my love. ❤

 

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Review: Back To The Club ( A Swingers Story) – Ava Sterling

Synopsis

 

Four is better than two.

Bianca and Chris have been married for years with mixed results on keeping their intimacy alive. Their one spike in recent memory was going to a swingers club. They didn’t do much that visit, but it was enough to spark their curiosity, especially Bianca’s.

A year later, Bianca wants to go back, but she has to convince her husband, who prefers quiet nights at home. She pulls it off with the help of some flirting, but what Chris doesn’t realize is that Bianca intends to do far more than last time.

She wants to experience another couple.

(This explicit, 4,500 word story is intended for adult readers only.)

 

My Thoughts

Ava Sterling delivers a hot short story that´ll change the color of your panties within 10 minutes!

back to the club

I stumbled upon this read while scrolling through my WordPress reader and found a snippet I could hardly ignore. I had to read more. I demanded more!

Every romance / erotica / mature 18+ reader knows sex in books can go 2 ways.

The sex is either extremely good or extremely off-putting.

`Back To The Club` ( A Swingers Story ) by author Ava Sterling was sensual, sexy and oh so good.
And the sex was good ( emphasis on the word `good `).

 

A really well written short story about a couple wanting to keep things interesting in their marriage.

I loved it.

There´s nothing better than reading a story that has great sex in it. ( well, the type of sex I enjoy reading about ) If the sex in a story can make a reader´s vamoomoo react then I´d say the story / author has done their job well.

A slow burn, nail bite worthy scenario that leaves you begging for more!

I definitely want more.

Would I recommend this short story? Yes. I´m sure many erotica readers would appreciate the sensuality and intensity of the theme. You don´t have to be a fan of the swinger community to enjoy this read.

Would I re – read this short story? I would.

 

The Cover – 4 stars ( It´s a catchy cover with great colors. Perfect for the genre.)

The Story – 5 stars ( Yes. There was a story and I appreciated that this short read gave some background info before diving into the nitty-gritty. And, to be honest, the story is relatable. )

The Characters – 5 stars ( Authentic. Relatable. I saw where they were coming from )

My emotional state after finishing this read – Wouldn´t you like to know…* wink *

5 stars

Purchase Links  Amazon.com    Amazon.co.uk

Be sure to follow Ava Sterling here on WordPress and see what the author has in store for you! ❤

Book Review- The Unrequited by Saffron A. Kent

Book Description

Layla Robinson is not crazy. She is suffering from unrequited love. But it’s time to move on. No more stalking, no more obsessive calling. 

What she needs is a distraction. The blue-eyed guy she keeps seeing around campus could be a great one—only he is the new poetry professor—the married poetry professor.

Thomas Abrams is a stereotypical artist—rude, arrogant, and broody—but his glares and taunts don’t scare Layla. She might be bad at poetry, but she is good at reading between the lines. Beneath his prickly façade, Thomas is lonely, and Layla wants to know why. Obsessively.

Sometimes you do get what you want. Sometimes you end up in the storage room of a bar with your professor and you kiss him. Sometimes he kisses you back like the world is ending and he will never get to kiss you again. He kisses you until you forget the years of unrequited love; you forget all the rules, and you dare to reach for something that is not yours.

My Thoughts

I had high hopes for `The Unrequited` by Saffron A. Kent. After one look at that cover I had a feeling the book was going to be an epic read.The Unrequitted

Let´s just say this story didn´t do it for me as much as I hoped it would.

`The Unrequited`- A student / teacher, stalker / teacher story that seemed more questionable than anything else. Did I like it? Not so much.

The opening scene starts off with Layla visiting her therapist / guidance counselor, which is a super interesting scene and a fabulous character introduction. A reader gets a colorful POV from Layla, a lonely and special individual who mourns the loss of her stepbrother / best friend / love of her life and can´t seem to function without him. Layla has an unhealthy obsession for Caleb and without him…her life spirals out of control. The weird thing is- ( BEWARE! SPOILER AHEAD ) he´s not dead. He just moved away.

Not too shabby, right?

Layla, one day, stumbles upon a mysterious, hot guy ( a.k.a The Blue Eyed Smoker ) and follows him across campus and into his class. Yupp. He´s a professor and teaches poetry. Something Layla has no effin´ clue about, yet she finds herself a seat and makes herself comfy.

Okay. So, this is where the story went slightly downhill for me and I fully blame it on both main characters.

As mentioned above – Layla is this lost soul who doesn´t really know what to do with herself because of the one guy she can´t have. Her life looks peachy on the outside but from the inside- she´s an emotional mess. It´s like a thick rain cloud constantly follows her. And, her favorite pastime activity is stalking.

Thomas, the professor, the blue-eyed smoker, the successful published poet- just as depressing only he acts like a glorified dick. BUT, he has his reasons. There´s an explanation for everything. * sigh *

The two together couldn´t have been more different and still, they found a way to be together.

I´m going to be frank, here.

Layla was nuts. Thomas was nuts. The way he treated her was unbelievable and Layla let everything happen to her. Without a word she played the doormat for the professor and it wasn´t pretty reading about it. That doesn´t really put them both in a nice light, if you ask me. But there was a reason for the way he treated Layla. And there was a reason for why Layla let Thomas act the way he did.

But after I was a little over halfway through the story, I didn´t really care if there was a specific reason for their actions anymore. Who in their right mind would treat another person as poorly as the Hero did? For me, he wasn´t worth it. I would have left his class and flipped him off on the way out. Thomas´ mood went up and down, in and out. He wasn´t good with speaking words but boy, did he know how to put someone in their place. I was super close to DNFing the story.

I set the book aside and took a break for a few days. I didn´t want to completely give up but I needed some time away from the crazy. After a few days I reentered Layla and Thomas´ world with a more open mind and finished the story.

I think the main reason why this book didn´t do it for me was me. I´m someone who loves to relate to characters. I love to imagine myself in their position. But with these figures I couldn´t do it. Their actions weren´t anything shocking, to be honest, but I don´t stalk, nor can I imagine myself doing so. I don´t let anyone talk to me in a degrading way and have sex with them afterwards, so their actions weren´t really something to be excited about.

Aside from my dislikes, there were a few things that, indeed, brought me joy.

The writing was impeccable. There was a great reading flow and a perfect balance between action, narrative and dialogue.

The end was really good. I liked how things turned out for the characters, despite me not fully liking them.

Would I recommend this book? Yes and no. I´m not sure to whom I´d recommend this book to. It does come with a warning that this story is for ages 18+ and also deals with sensitive topics, e.g. cheating.

Would I reread this book? Probably not.

The Cover – 5 stars ( It´s a beautiful cover image with eye-catching colors.)

The Characters – 2 stars ( They weren´t for me. )

The Story – 3 stars ( In general, not a bad idea. Just not my cup of tea. )

My emotional state after finishing this read – Indifferent.

I´m giving `The Unrequited` by author Saffron A. Kent 3 out of 5 stars

Purchase the book here.

Review- Dirty Dix (#1 Hard Love Romance) by Monica James

Book Description

I knew she was bad news when she walked into my office, but I just couldn’t help myself… 

Filthy, sexy and full of surprises, Juliet is so hot she has me on fire. I’ve met my match and I can’t help going back for more. 

Then there’s Madison… she’s sweet, funny and awakens in me a fierce need to protect her. 

But I don’t do relationships. I don’t usually do the same woman twice. 

Juliet and Madison: Two very different women have got me completely hooked. 

Who will I choose? 

I know who I should choose, but I never said I was the hero of this story, or even the good guy. And besides, who wants to be good, when it feels so good being bad? 

My tale isn’t for the faint-hearted. If you’re game, strap yourself in and expect the unexpected. But don’t say I didn’t warn you… 

My Thoughts

Monica James is my GO – TO author. This woman has her writing down to a T. It all started out when I read her very first novel `I Surrender` a few years back. Now, many published books later, I´m sitting here and feeling as happy as any reader could feel.

What can I say about this book?

`Dirty Dix` ( Book #1 in the Hard Love Romance ) is a fun, exciting and intriguing read that´ll put you on a ride you´ll never forget. In fact, this story is so addictive it makes it´s readers long for more.Dirty dix

The story is brilliant. Easy going and playful at first and then everything slowly becomes complicated.

New Yorks top psychiatrist, Dr. Dix Mathews, drowns in two women who are both toxic to his own health.

Both women couldn´t be more opposite from one another and Dr. Dix finds himself in a position he shouldn´t have been in the first place.

What to do, what to do? Dr. Dix is screwed one way or another. Or is he?

This book  reminds me of a time when I dated 2 guys at the same time. I was 16 back then and everything went well before both were standing in my mom´s livingroom. The one guy had a bouquet in his hands and the other wore a confused look on his face. I decided to bail. Crawl my way out of the house through my bedroom window and make an epic escape. But I got caught by my mom outside ( I was a terrible teenager).

I wish Dix had a window to make a grande escape but he wasn´t so fortunate ( neither was I, to be honest. I had to deal with both and ended up alone until I dated my husband 3 years later. What a miserable time!).

ANYWAYS…. Dix.

I loved Dix. His character was something special. A doc who helped others for a living got caught up in his own little personal hell. What´s not to love? Reading his parts brought so much satisfaction. The poor bastard struggled. He was a professional with a broken heart who ignored the rules. And with every step that beautiful man took he unintentionally dug his own grave deeper and deeper. He was fighting an emotional war with his desires, his own personal addiction.

Dix and Juliet were a match made in sex heaven. Dix and Madison were a match made in relationship heaven.

Who will he pick? Both? Neither? Will anyone find some sort of happiness in this book? You´ll have to find that one out for yourself.

All I can tell you is that this story was so good I couldn´t put it down. And the cliffhanger ending… I saw it coming. I truly did. I just hoped it wouldn´t happen. But it did and now I´m left with the awkward feeling of not knowing what´ll happen next until I can get my greedy claws on book #2, `Wicked Dix`.

An enticing, sexy and hot read!

The Cover – 4 stars ( I´m not such a fan of a buffed torso on a book cover but I am a fan of a white shirt and black tie. There´s something sexy about that. And the colors are great.)

The Story – 5 stars ( Way cool. Brings back so many ugly but now funny memories.)

The Characters – 5 stars ( Dix, Madison, Juliet, Finch and Hunter… What a great lot!)

My emotional state after finishing this read – Excited. I just can´t wait to find out what happens next!

I´m giving `Dirty Dix` ( Book #1 Hard Love Romance) by Monica James 5 out of 5 stars.

stars15

To purchase this book  click here

UnWritten – Chelsea M. Cameron

Book Description

Children’s librarian by day. Romance novelist by night.
British single father.
Someone else is writing this love story…

Blair Walton isn’t your average curvaceous tattooed children’s librarian. She’s also one half of bestselling romance author, Scarlet Rose. Along with her BFF Raine, she spends her nights writing books so steamy, she’s afraid they would shock her Southern conservative grandmother to death . . . if she knew about them. That’s why she and Raine write in secret.

On deadline for their latest book and out of ideas, Raine suggests (demands) that Blair find a guy and “do some research”. Declan Bennet has all the qualifications: He’s British, looks fabulous in a suit, has glorious blue eyes and gets bonus points for being an amazing single dad to his adorable son, Drake. But what starts out as a research project quickly turns into something much more. And Blair’s not the only one with secrets.

My Thoughts

`UnWritten` by author Chelsea M. Cameron was an okay read. If I´m honest- I love the book cover more than I do the story. ( Gotta love to color combo )

It´s strange because this is the type of romance I prefer to read; Simple, smart, smooth. Yet, it wasn´t enough for me to go overboard ( and I´m usually the one who get´s overly excited about a romance).

The characters were all fine. Each very interesting figures but they lacked a certain spark.

The only way I can describe my feelings towards this read is to compare the story to newspaper reading. You know when you sit at the table and flip the paper open and scan the topics? The feeling of not being overly impressed but still kind of interested? You rarely have a moment where you sit there, stunned speechless by a topic but you still continue to read. That´s how reading this book was for me.

Still, `UnWritten` was okay. It tampered my need for the lovey-dovey, if only for a short while.

Maybe it´s just me. Meeh * wave off * Who am I kidding? Of course, it´s me. I wasn´t feeling this story as much as I hoped I would and that´s why I´m sure someone else might. Give it a go and see for yourself. Although- you might want to get the kindle version because the paperback costs $ 15.99. That´s alot of money for 345 pages.
(NOTE- this book was in one of my Bookworm Boxes I ordered. I didn´t pick this book deliberately )

The Cover – 5 stars ( Beautiful. ❤ )

The Story – 3 stars ( It was nice. But nice doesn´t give me a bookhangover. Nice doesn´t make me want to get on my husband´s nerves. Nice just doesn´t cut it.)

The Characters – 3 stars ( Blair and Declan- a nice odd couple. Great pairing but not enough spark.)

My emotional state after finishing this read- Indifferent.

I´m giving `Rewritten`, by Chelsea M. Cameron, 3 out of 5 stars.

If you would still like to give this book a go then click here and begin to read. 🙂

unwritten  This book has also been featured at Morgana´s Book Box on Instagram.