Hey, everyone! Welcome back to Friday´s unbeloved sister, Monday.
It´s been a minute since I sat down and did a Mug Monday feature. But I have a good reason for having neglected my favorite blog feature.
I´ve been mingling with the book crowd.
As in- actually ditching my laptop and leaving the house to meet up with some bookish people.
I know. I know. Unthinkable, considering how much I love to stay in my PJs all day and do nothing but read. Oh, by the way- Mug feature ahead!
Granted, not the most original mug to feature, but it´s still one, even if you can hardly see it.
So, yes. I´ve been busy with book socializing.
Somewhere around the end of September, I teamed up with my book bestie Brina@Brina and the Books to visit the RARE ´19 London book event. Then had the pleasure of being spontaneously invited to a book blogger meet up in Frankfurt shortly after the London event. And last but not least ( as I´m hoping this socializing train will continue to roll ) I went to an author reading.
I´ve noticed my need to nap has been greater than ever before. Damn, I forgot how much fun, yet exhausting socializing is.
With that being said- I´ve collected enough info on all accounts and am now able to present my observations and the things I´ve learned, plus to share the experience I had from the author reading. Let´s just say I have many many things to share with y´all.
As for being a tad blog absent: Thanks to the pre-scheduled posts I´ve worked on weeks ago I don´t feel the least bit guilty about having been offline for a few days/weeks. So, YAY for that.
I guess that´s it for this week´s Mug Monday. Be sure to stick around to find out how my bookish socializing went. All I´m going to say is: Be prepared. It´s been an enlightening ride.
As always, Don´t forget to share the book love because Lord knows there´s too little of that making its rounds. ❤
” But the world is getting worse and I blame the beginning of it´s demise on social media.”
– Ricky Gervais
I bet you saw this one coming, didn’t ya? The Art Of `Live And Let live`. Folks, this is exactly what it is. A post about living and leaving others alone.
This is not a click bait.. For the record: I’m not a click bait book blogger so there will be none of that here.
Normally, I´d go ahead and give you a generalized post on my thoughts regarding the topic at hand. I´d throw in some pros and cons and provide some real examples and include my personal opinion. Not this time. I´ve something else in mind.
Stay factual. Stay realistic. Stay diplomatic. Try to stay neutral. That´s what I try to aim for when typing up my posts. For most of the time I reach my own standards. I don´t blog about books and book related topics to unleash hell onto others for the sake of personal pleasure. Why am I even telling you all this?
Well, something happened today. Something that had shocked me. I spotted a tweet on Twitter that hit close to home. And the weird part? It was about my blog post and what it did for other people.
Initially, I had not planned on publishing a post over the weekend. Now I feel like one has to go up. For many of you, this might sound so petty. So annoying. Trust me- I´m just as annoyed. Please bear with me, dear annoyed non participants. My fingers are crossed that this´ll find an end sooner than later. I have just as much important shit to do.
There has been talk regarding my blog posts. Mind you- this isn´t the first time someone disagreed with one of my posts. But it´s the first time I´m seeing a complaint done behind my back.
My life motto is
`Live and let live.`
Unfortunately, this concept is totally alien for many people, It´s easy to live and let live. It´s apparently more fun not to. This also applies for book blogging. Most of the time the things I see happening in the book community are fairly harmless ( by harmless I mean things that don´t have people sobbing in the fetus position at night ). A little bitching here, and a lot of nagging there. Most of the time I find this really great. Opinions are what get conversations rolling. You have an opinion on a topic and share it, even welcome other opinions? I´m in! What I don´t like is when things become personal.
By `live and let live`I´m saying accept what others do and move on. Respect a book bloggers opinion and continue with life as it was.
`Live and let live.`
Yeah. The offended book committee doesn´t share my life philosophy. They say they do but they don´t. Instead, these people make it their mission to keep my name within their radars. Because they were offended by one of my posts.
Which posts, you ask? What could be so awful that have people feeling all sorts of uncomfortable? Even feeling personally attacked?
Excuse me for not being a friend of finger pointing at book bloggers. You don´t post links from a book blogger and bash them in a group because you´re fucking unhappy. Have you no common sense?
A post about how unnecessary I feel it is to feel offended by the fakeness of Instagram. My personal opinion on this subject aside- I was told my post offended people. No one cared about my opinion. And it was a positive opinion. I was pro `live and let live`.
Here´s what happened: I was a new member of a Facebook book group and shared a post of mine. Keep in mind that I had been a member for only a short period of time before I shared a link to one of my blog posts. The first comment I received was from the admin.
” Just read some fucking books.” A sad response from someone I had only exchanged a few words with in a previous post ( she was moody there as well ). Practically a stranger. So, this is how we speak with group members now? I´m appalled by this attitude and behavior. We´re a book blog community. You can dislike my post but you are not allowed to be uncivilized. My post was clean. I had an opinion. Take it or leave it. Don´t tell me my post was offensive when in reality, you just didn´t like it. There´s a difference. See the difference.
I will not lie- this has been my top 2019 post so far. I´ve had dream worthy views ( and still counting ). I´m pretty sure the majority of the views on this post had been from the offended committee. Because, how dare I talk about a subject and publish my link in a group for book bloggers! Shame on me for trying to be a part of a group.
After that I left the group. Because I´m not stupid. Once an attitude, twice an attitude.. I´m not sticking around for round 3. So, I left. I dusted my hands off and moved on. Best decision I had in a long shot. Unfortunately for me, one group member followed me to my blog and thought it would be wise to continue what I ended in the group underneath one of my blog posts. One person hunted me down to give me a piece of her mind. Keep in mind- That pilgrim had her little moment in the group I posted my link in. She wasn´t done, though.
Turns out, I have no empathy because I don´t care about the feelings of others. My post was “harmful”. No, it wasn´t. This discussion was long done for me before the loyal book pilgrim followed me to my blog.
So, people who are offended by posts are allowed to post about their feelings and I am supposed to sit back and accept wordlessly? No. That´s wrong on so many levels.
Then there´s this gem of mine that has caused more than just a stir. This time more people were involved. This is the Twitter post I spotted. The post about my post. A fellow book blogger defended me on her Twitter page and ended up being blocked. Why? Because I published a post about
The title says exactly what´s in this post. I reveal the reasons why I don´t participate in book blog tours anymore. How can this be misunderstood for anything else? And this had the bush drums going in a book blogger group. Not sure if I should laugh, cry, feel flattered, be shocked…
The reasons have stemmed from my personal experiences. Things that have occurred in the span of my 10 year book blogging career. I have not, and will not reveal the names of these book tour organizers because they´ve retired 2 – 5 years ago.
Why has this post about my not participating in blog tours been written? What was my motive? Do I need one? No. But I´ll amuse everyone anyway. It felt right to share my experiences. I wanted to share my stuff and maybe help others even if it´s by showing them that they aren´t alone with this. What´s wrong with that? Should I have not posted about why blog tours don´t work for ME anymore? Should I have worded the whole thing differently just to have the approval of the offended party? No can do. That would go against my book blog religion.
“Some people just don´t care.”
Here´s something to think about:
What would happen ( after having read an experience post of mine ) if the offended person just sat down and asked themselves how this could have happened to a book blogger? The post is open for discussion. Why not get in touch and ask for details. Ask about specifics instead of feeling offended. Because that´s how it looks like from my end of the stick. “I´m offended. I feel attacked.” When it reality my post was never about others. Just me. What is there to feel offended about? Unless these people felt offended on my behalf. Which I highly doubt.
My experiences are my personal facts. You can have your opinion on my opinion but you can´t feel offended by something I´ve dealt with. That´s ridiculous. Unless you´re offended on my behalf. I still doubt that.
To sum this whole thing up:
Believe it or not- I wouldn´t publish anything I don´t like. Should someone feel offended by whatever banal post I deem worthy of publishing then there´s always the option of ignoring me.
It´s simple. If you´re not convinced then try it out for yourselves. It works wonders for me.
People, if you are not able to live and let live then at least try! Try for the sake of peace. You can have a good rant. Make a post out of the topic you want to rant about. Ranting is healthy. The behavior I´ve been unofficially subjected to ( because, technically, I haven´t seen the post in the actual Facebook group. Just saw the tweet and was informed by a blogger friend ) is a low form of confrontation. Behind my back. A questionable act against someone who can´t defend themselves because they´re not in the group anymore.
Here´s another thing to consider:
It was clear the person and I weren´t able to meet eye to eye from the start ( although I tried ). The most logical thing to do would be if both went on our merry ways. I did that. The other person didn´t. The fact that this person has been checking on my posts tells me the person is just waiting for something to feel offended about.
The person who targeted my post stated she had planned to comment on my post at first. She didn´t. I´m now grateful she decided against it. God knows how many more gray hairs I would have gained after a chitchat.
I am not interested in a discussion with this person anymore. Not now, not ever. Should this person reach out to me for whatever reason I will not react. I´ve reacted enough already. The offended parade is officially over. It´s time to move on.
Here´s a kind reminder for the future book blog community: Stop being fucking dicks.
And start working on social skills. Learn how to agree to disagree. Learn how to respect opinions. Learn to live and let live.
On a side note:
I´d like to give a huge hug to the person who posted that tweet. She didn´t tag me and I will not tag her because she has been through enough already by defending my blog post and herself. And of course a Thank You to the person who sent me the screenshot via DM. Thank you. This is what book blogging should be about. Helping each other and standing up for one another. Because what hurts one of us can hurt another book blogger if we keep silent. Thank you, both.
On another side note:
No book blogger should ever stay silent when they feel they´ve been wronged. Speak up. And if you´re not the type then get in touch with a fellow blogger. We don´t just write reviews. We´re a community.
This has been a long post. Much longer than I wanted it to be. My first thought was to dismiss this whole idea of standing up for myself. But I couldn´t. I could be helping others. I want to help others.
What I don´t want it to approach this subject ever again. It´s done. The joke is around the corner. It´s time to read and review and do other fun shit.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you belong to the people who were offended by my posts then do yourselves a favor- Don´t bother commenting. I don´t appreciate wasting my time discussing my crystal clear posts with you. I am not interested.
If you´ve been through the same situation or know someone who has dealt with something similar.. Feel free to share. I´d be more than happy to chat. ❤
Much love and don´t forget to share the book love,
What do you do after you´ve read a blog post? Do you leave a “like” or do you leave a comment? Do you do both, or are you one of those silent ninjas who just read and move on?
I admit when I saw this post I dropped everything to have a closer read. Because why wouldn´t I want to know what other bloggers believe could be the evil issue behind this like & comment dynamic? It´s interesting… or, let´s just say I find it interesting.
I live for statistics and diagrams ( yes, I´m one of those people ). I like to take thinks apart and see how things work. But getting down to the nitty gritty of WHY people are more inclined to hit a like button and not comment? That sounds like a year long mission. It might be impossible for someone to figure this complicated issue out. But there might also be an easy answer to all this.
Dominic´s post was a joy to read. Straight to the point and informative. I agree with what he believes are the reasons for why people “like” and not comment. ( If you haven´t already, I recommend reading his post. It´s interesting ) I also believe there´s more to it than the reasons he mentioned.
Dominic has stated that it´s a matter of what makes people comment on a blog post– And that would be:
A sense of blog personality
It´s true that if a blog doesn´t offer some sort of personality a blog post will probably seem like a robot- cold, clinical, technical…. The people who follow said blog know about the posts but they won´t “know” the blogger if there isn´t something that includes a speck of humanity.
This also applies to blogs / bloggers offering too much personality. As soon as things turn into “me, myself & I” then they can easily slip into the “they´re so full of themselves” category.
How will anyone be able to comment on someone´s work if they have little or too much personality?
So, it´s about finding a healthy middle way.
Hmm… But not everyone can do that. Okay- let´s move on.
It doesn´t end there. Having a decent online presence isn´t the only thing you need. A blogger would need to also publish posts people want to read about. There´s a problem with that, though- What is it exactly people want to read about?
So, we have two big points that need to be addressed, followed by questions that need answers:
Have a personality that´s appealing to the general audience
Have the content people want to read about / need
Unfortunately, these points open a whole new can of questions.
How do I know if my personality is appealing or not?
What if I have a great personality?
How can I run a personal blog if it doesn´t represent me, myself & I?
What if I am up to date with my topics?
Is my content less valuable because I´m not publishing what´s needed?
What content can I offer that gets people to comment?
Tricky, isn´t it? It sure as hell seems like it.
Now here comes the part where I agree with Dominic´s post to some extent:
Yes, having a personality is important. But who´s to say what type of personality works best? Because the world is filled with people, and people. There are young and older book bloggers. Parents and people without children who blog. Introverts and extroverts who type their fingers sore from blogging. All these types of people will most likely have different personalities and life priorities that will influence their personalities in one way or another. And as it is with bloggers, there are different types of readers. People who seek out certain content that has `hopefully` been written by people who´s personalities speak to them. Because, yes- people feel comfy with others who fit their bill.
In a sense, it´s a matter of liking a personality.
Let´s take my sorry self as a totally random example ( because I have no one else at the ass crack of dawn who´ll play guinea pig for me ):
I´m an extrovert. I´m outgoing and love to meet new people. I´m straightforward and I have a take it or leave it attitude. All this will reflect in my posts because that´s just the way I am. There will be people who won´t be able to relate with my posts. There will be people who won´t like my personality because it comes across as too crass. But there will be people who will approve. There will be some who don´t feel intimidated / offended / bored.
And this is where I can answer the first 3 questions from above:
Your personality, whatever type you have, is appealing. There will always be people who will appreciate the character of your posts. You can be an asshole or a wallflower – You will find your audience.
Maybe it´s not your personality but a slight lack of confidence in specific areas? Say you have a great post, a wonderful personality but your post didn´t end with an invitation for a discussion?
Your blog automatically has a personality when you include your opinion or thoughts. The moment you include “I think.. / I believe.. / In my opinion..” you´re already revealing pieces from yourself. This personal info can be tiny or lengthy but you´re still there.
As for the content:
Unless you´re a gossip blog there will hardly be anything unique you can write about that hasn´t already been seen / read before. We live in a fast moving world where stuff is being published by the minute and all the hype over controversial topics, all discussion posts have already had their shining hour. This should always be remembered when becoming a public figure:
The demand is high, but the number of suppliers is higher.
Meaning – there is competition. Granted, book blogging is for most a hobby and therefore can´t be considered a rat race ( although some think it´s just that ) but there are more book bloggers out there than you can imagine. It will be impossible to stand out unless someone comes up with a shockingly brilliant marketing idea ( naked bookstagram features, just offering a suggestion. lol ).
For me, the comments and `likes `ratio isn´t a personality problem. It´s more about “fitting the bill”.
If a blog has over 2000 followers and only a handful are active fans ( the people who leave comments and likes ) then the problem lies more likely with
the majority only followed in hopes for a follow – back
the majority doesn´t spend time reading a blog feed
people don´t care
the majority is too busy with themselves
the majority of followers are silent ninjas: read & move on
And all this isn´t terrible because this is how the world works.You can have the best personality ever and have the best blog posts ideas, well written content, etc. and STILL be subjected to a few comments despite your large following.
Also, by working harder ( or by giving your online personality a shift ) to gain more followers there´s a huge chance you´d only be pushing numbers around.
2000 followers = 20 – 40 comments
4000 followers = 40 – 80 comments
Of course, I could be wrong. I could also be right. What do I know? I´m just a book blogger trying to figure this whole thing out at 3:25 a.m.
As an experienced book blogger, I can easily say that gaining comments and likes takes time. You have to invest time to find like-minded people who´ll recommend you/your work and invest more time waiting for others to find you. This is easier said than done but it´s possible.
Remember- your content is valuable. Your ideas and thoughts or even your reviews are contributing to the book blogging community. If you´re a book blogger and you´re wondering where the comments from all your 2000 followers are – There´s no need to worry ( unless you purposely shit on someone, then you need to worry ) Book blogging is not about comments or likes ( although it´s nice if they appear ). It´s supposed to bring a book blogger joy or some sort of satisfaction to express themselves and share their thoughts.
As for myself- I love to comment and like on other posts. In some odd way I see commenting as a form of recognition. “Hey, I actually read your post.” is what my comment ( aside from my actual comment) is saying. A like is quickly given but doesn´t hold as much worth as a comment. But this is just me and my opinion.
Others might not feel comfortable commenting. Others might not feel the need to comment. Who knows. We can´t and never will be able to read people´s minds and win the comment war ( just as authors will never win their review war)
Should you be a blogger who wants / needs the comments under your posts because you´re on some bookish mission then there are ways to reach that goal. Prepare yourselves to dive deep into the book blogger treasure chest because there´s a whole lot that can help generate comments.
How about you? What are your thoughts on why people rather like than comment? Have you experienced this problem? Let me know in the comments below. ❤
Thank you for taking your time to read this post. It´s much appreciated.