10 Most Bizarre Religious Book Titles

ATTENTION

This post includes religious content. What you are about to read contains explicit language, perhaps an unwelcome opinion and may not be suitable for an audience who takes religion far too seriously. In short: I have a thing or two to say so if you are religious and easily offended you´re welcome to leave in silence. You are not welcome to pray for me, though. 

 

Religion – What a touchy subject. People, pro religion and anti religion, are so opinionated and most will stop at nothing to try to convince the other of their truth. The truth is, though – We all just have to wait until we die to find out what the exact truth is.

In the meantime, Christians ( and other religions ) have done their best to “spread the word of God”. Although I´m an atheist I do ( despite popular belief ) respect religion. What I can´t respect are the book covers and titles for these religious books.

To say these gems are absurd would be an understatement.

 


 

#1  `Anyone Can Be Cool… But Awesome Takes Practice` – Lorraine Peterson

anyone can be cool

First Thought:    Oh for Christ´s sake.

Let´s Talk:    Here´s a quick life lesson: You become your own special type of cool and awesome when you´re older. In the meantime, read a science book.

 

 

 

#2    `Mommy Drinks Because You´re Bad` –  ?

mommy drinks because you´re bad

First Thought:    No. Mommy drinks to survive the day preserve her beauty.

Let´s Talk:   ( preparing a drink for myself ) Aside from the EXTREME high pedagogical value the title has- I´d say this book/booklet deserves to be bashed and the person who wrote this “Quality religious book for children” deserves to be tarred and feathered.

 

 

#3  `God´s Masturbation Solution`– Rev. M. L.  Brown D. D.,  D. C. L

god´s masterbation solution

First Thought:    There´s a solution?!

Let´s Talk:    Okay. Say you don´t like masturbation, or even the thought of it. Fine. But this book makes hands on hanky panky sound like a sin. Or, maybe God is sitting up on a cloud looking down at Egor thinking

“Okay, fine. If you can´t stop then I´ll give you some pointers on how to masturbate the catholic way.”

Perhaps God´s like: “You´re all doing it wrong! Left hand, people Left HAND.”

Or wait! I have another one!

I bet God´s advice would be to sit on your hand until it´s numb then start masturbating. That way, it´ll feel like you´re not touching yourself. Cheat the system, bro!

 

 

 

#4   `Helping The Retarded To Know God`

–  Hans R. Hahn

Helping the retarded to Know God

First Thought:  Fucking hell….

Let´s Talk:    Okay. I have my limits and they´ve just been reached. I had to check for publication date for this gem because I was positive no one in their right mind, not even the hardcore Christians, would be politically incorrect. Sure enough – Published 1969. All jokes aside… This is one of the reasons why I don´t like religion. I couldn´t really care less about the political correctness of the title… It´s more the fact that something like this exists in general.

 

 

 

#5    `Jogging With Jesus` –  C. S. Lovett

jogging with Jesus

First Thought:    Jesus doesn´t have to go everywhere with you.

Let´s Talk:    A life with Jesus can give comfort. A daily jog with Jesus can give you more comfort. I don´t jog, so I wouldn´t know.

 

 

 

#6    `Jesus Calling` –  Sarah Young

Jesus Calling 2

First Thought:   Don´t pick up!!

Let´s Talk:    It seems harmless, right? More the reason to dig deeper. 🙂 From my understanding the author claims to have received messages from Jesus and has written down what HE had said to her. She´s the “mouthpiece” so to speak. I don´t know about you but I find people who claim that ANY voice ( one that doesn´t belong to a solid form ) has spoken to them creepy as fuck. I swear, this makes Carol Anne from the 1982 Poltergeist movie seem less creepier.

 

 

 

 

#7     `Religious Gals Can Play Naughty Too!! `

–  Jamie M. Jones

Religious girls can

First Thought:  There was never a doubt in my mind * wink *

Let´s Talk:    I´m not sure if this was written for hopeful religious men or if it´s supposed to act as an invitation for non religious men. The “No Jezebel Here” made me laugh, though. That gives this whole weird thing a nice touch. What does the author consider to be naughty? Socks on? Socks off? Bra off? Lights on? Do I want to know?

 

 

 

#8    `The Beginner´s Guide To Sex In The Afterlife`

– David Staume

Sex

First Thought:   PRAISE THE LORD

Let´s Talk:   And all of the sudden religion doesn´t sound too bad ( just kidding ). I hope this is true. Would hate to miss out, you know?

Hold on a second…. With who would I be having sex with after life? Please don´t tell me I´d have to deal with afterlife dating, as well? Where´s the `Dating In The Afterlife` book? Is there an afterlife Tinder? A Ghost Anonymous program I can visit in case of a sexual emergency? DAVID!!!!!

 

 

 

 

#9    `How Should Christians Vote?` –  Tony Evans

How Should Christians Vote

First Thought:    Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and you shake it all about….You do the Christian Voting and you turn yourself around. That´s what it´s all a-bout.

Let´s Talk:    This is by far the most idiotic thing I´ve seen in a long shot. The description reveals that Christians shouldn´t ask themselves for WHO they should vote for, but rather ” equip you with solid biblical principles that will challenge you to vote with a “kingdom perspective”- informed, compassionate, and aware of Who is really in charge. ” 

 

 

 

 

#10    `Weekend With Jesus` – Michael Edwin Q.

weekend with Jesus

First Thought:    Did he bring any wine? He better have wine….

Let´s Talk:    It says in the description that this book is written in Christianese. But the title does suggest a wild house party with Jesus. What am I missing here? And why can´t Jesus start wearing Bermuda shorts?

 


 

On A Friendly Side Note:

Although I am not a friend of religion ( at all ) I will not ignore that there are a few religions that actually do good for the world we live in. This post was meant to enlighten and not bash on a specific religion for their extreme and often unexplainable beliefs.

 

Many thanks for taking your time to read this post. I hope you enjoyed ❤

Have a wonderful day,

much love,

Banner name

 

 

24 thoughts on “10 Most Bizarre Religious Book Titles

  1. My first thought
    Are you kidding me?!!
    People do write anything, even the first thought that comes to their mind, believing it to be God’s word… Creepy…

    Let’s talk
    Each one was more idiotic that the other, a case of verbal idiocy.
    The entire post was extremely enlightening. I have seen God now after laughing through it all in incredulity *my sarcastic best*
    I practice my religion in vague terms what I am comfortable with. But kill me now if I ever think about writing a book in it😂😂😂😂
    Fabulous post

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL. Thank you. 🙂
      I hear you on your first thoughts. I´m glad I was able to enlighten you and make your day with this post.
      I think practicing religion in a way that feels comfortable with you is great. My husband is the same ( or does the same ) and it works for him.
      Thank you for enjoying this. Was a tad reluctant to do this, if I´m honest. You don´t really know on who´s feet you´ll be stepping on, you know?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lmao!! This is hilarious!

    I knew the masturbation one was going to be Catholic smh. And omg the “no Jezebels here” has me cracking up!! Bahahahaha admittedly it’s the only one that makes me curious. I mean even the cover has me wondering what the book is about. Oh, and Jesus doesn’t need to take wine to the party. He’s Jesus. He can turn the water at the party into wine.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Right? 🙂 LMAO. The Jezebel one is a firecacker. I´ve been thinking about that one ever since I found it. HAHAHA. OMG, yes! You´re absolutely right! Jesus can make wine. What an awesome party trick! Good thinking, book twin! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Mkay, i’ll be waiting for the book about going to gym with Jesus. I have no interest in jogging…
    These were hilarious, omg… 😀 😀
    I’m having a feeling we are all just living in various types of sin and will all burst into flames sooner or later.
    Awesome collection!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You have a feeling that we´ll burst into flames? Do you realize that would ruin our chance of having sex in the afterlife?
      * DYING * Omg, if a book about Jesus going to the gym with you ever gets published I´ll buy it.
      Yeah, jogging is pointless. Even with the promise of Jesus jogging along- it´s not promising enough.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Got a few of these gems in my fun and inappropriate book covers posts, so funny.😂😂😂

    Not sure God would be able to offer assistance with knocking one out, he has priests to assist little boys with that.😂😂😂

    Right, I’m off to go and pray for your soul for the blasphemy of this post.🙏😂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. * spitting out my fake coffee * LMAO. OH. My. God. Your second remark! DUDE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You know, I´m a firm believer in believing someone out there thinks that God will or is offering assistance. HAHAHA. May it be through prayers, the hand of a priest or by simply airing out the one eyed snake on the balcony at night.

      YES! Pray for me. But while you´re at it add that I need chocolate too. I´ve run out. But the good shit. Swiss chocolate. Maybe a triple chocolate cake would be nice too. LMAO

      Liked by 1 person

            1. 😂😂😂 Why, Mr. Drew, I think you just offended me 😂😂😂. Just kidding. Of course, my blog is a safe place. Safe for all who have common sense. 😉
              Your last comment: DYING! 😂😂😂😂DYING MORE😂😂😂 DEAD.

              Liked by 2 people

                    1. Yeah. You know, I like to give chances. I´ll let things slip through if I think they´re not worth it. But if it happens too often or if it hits hard the first time then I will unleash hell. I will be the person they wish they never interacted with. It doesn´t happen too often offline but online? Hot damn… there are people who´re apparently just waiting to join my shit list. The stuff they say just gets my blood boiling. You got a shit list?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. Yeah, I’m similar, I let a few things slide but others, no and I’ll kick off and unleash. Well, I hope I never get on your shit list, I can only imagine the tirade.😂😂😂

                      Ha, yeah, I do have a shit list, some people just annoy the fuck out of me.😂

                      Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow, those were special. I think their authors should issue public apologies if they’re still alive. I’m not an atheist or religious per se, but no matter what side of the creek I’m on (or in it or under or…) I know people have been messing things up for a LONG time. Talk about manipulative…. I do appreciate you sharing this debauchery! Wow…

    Liked by 2 people

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