ATTENTION
What you are about to read contains sexual content, possible explicit language and other adult things. This post may not be suitable for visitors under 18. In short: Go away if you´re under age.
A book is a book, no matter what´s inside or how the package looks like, right?
Said no book loving person EVER.
It´s no secret that romance / erotica books have the worst covers and sometimes even the most absurd titles. The only good part is you don´t have to go on an intensive book hunt when looking for a romantic or even an erotica novel. Because one can spot them from a mile away.
Covers for some romances and many erotica books have the unbelievable power to scream
“HERE! OVER HERE! WE OFFER SEX AND LOTS OF IT”
Is that a bad thing? It depends on the reader and what they´re looking for. But there are, without a doubt, horribly amusing book titles for the genre. Covers are one thing, titles another. Combine the two any you can have something explosive.
Would you like to know what I want? A romance novel that doesn´t have a cover image and title that states the obvious. I´d like for once to look at a cover and title without having an inner field trip. I guess the book Gods think I´m asking for too much.
I might as well tell you I wouldn´t purchase any of these books based on the title and cover image ( unless they´ve been recommended by my trusted book chics ) Why? Get ready.
#1 `Filling Her Up` & `Knocking Her Up`- Jordan Marie & Jenika Snow
First Reaction: Howling with laughter
First Thought: I need a full tank and a baby.
Let´s Talk: There is a positive side to all this. At least the stud muffins aren´t sporting any outdated tribal tattoos. That´s about all the positive I can come up with.
#2 `Hate Me` – L.P. Lovell
First Reaction: WTF face
First Thought: I´ll hate you with pleasure.
Let´s Talk: Is that a rose in the background? A rose and a cigar smoking snuggle bunny begging to hate him? Is this supposed to change the color of my panties?
#3 `Don´t Look` – Jessa Kane
First Reaction: Confused
First Thought: But how…. Oh nevermind. Just take your panties off. I´ll sniff you out.
Let´s Talk: Okay, so the cover image is not too shabby. Pretty and coy cover model covering her boobs. The undies aren´t cutting off the blood flow… It´s a decent image. But the title and tagline? Does this mean there´s someone in the room who has to watch while Miss Shy Tits is getting down to business alone? I´m confused.
#4 `Prom King` – Penny Wylder
First Reaction: HOWLING
First Thought: That´s one fit High Schooler.
Let´s Talk: You´ve got to be fucking kidding me with that cover and title. A 20- 30 yr old Prom King? Roses?! Rings? For fuck´s sake. I can´t stop laughing.
#5 ` UnScrew Me ` – Hayley Faiman
First Reaction: Uuhm…..
First Thought: I have questions.
Let´s Talk: Screw you = Fuck you. Screw Me = Fuck me. Let´s screw = Let´s fuck.
UnScrew me = ? How does one unfuck someone? Unless the person is a bottle. Oh! Now I get it. Being a bottle is probably some hipster term for a lame person. “You bottle, you!” In that case, he can be unscrewed. Uhm, is oily Olly so hot that his mere presence causes things to burn in purple flames?
#6 `Giving Her My Baby` – Alexa Riley
First Reaction: Eye roll
First Thought: Tell yourself that and you might believe it yourself one day.
Let´s Talk: Judging by the look on the guy´s face he´s regretting the moment he didn´t “pull out” as the tagline so kindly states. I bet the guy is wishing she would have just swallowed.
#7 `Rubbed Raw` – Bella Jeanisse
First Reaction: DYING from laughing so hard
First Thought: I bet the drumsticks she used feel the same.
Let´s Talk: Hands down- this is the most amusing title I´ve ever seen. Let´s ignore the half assed cover image for a second here. Rubbed raw? And the title for the second installment will be ” Plucking Splinters From The Beaver” including an unforgettable tagline “She couldn´t find a carrot.”
# 8 `Driving Whiskey Wild` – Melissa Foster
First Reaction: What the….
First Thought: Don´t do it, Whiskey! Don´t jump!
Let´s Talk: The cover model looks like he wants to commit suicide – With open pants. I assume it isn´t the author´s intention for her readers to think her character model is in so much misery but.. give me a fucking break. Either take em off or button up. Ain´t no one got time for an open button. It looks like he forgot to redo his pants after a quick wee.
#9 `Lick` – Kylie Scott
First Reaction ( in 2013 ): Impressed
First Thought ( in 2013 ): Someone gonna licky dicky in this one?
Let´s Talk: Okay, so I actually read this one back when it was first published. Call it a sin done in my blogging beginner years. It´s a classic, though. To be honest- `Lick`wasn´t such a bad read. But the title has brought me so much joy over the years. To this day whenever one of my ex – co bloggers mention Kylie Scott I break out in a laughing fit and rename the book.
Come And Lick A Dick
Wanna Licky Dicky
Licks Away
Stage Lick
I can´t even remember if there was any oral going on in this book ( it´s been 7 years ) or if the head given was any good. But that title… and that brooding musician. Priceless.
#10 Decker´s Wood – Kirsty Dallas
First Reaction: Doing double take
First Thought: I´m scared
Let´s Talk: THIS is what happens when tribal tattoo guy puts a shirt on. He becomes Decker and has wood. I seriously can´t stop laughing. Can someone tell me if Decker is in the lumber business or if he just suffers from a permanent hard on?
On a lovely side note:
I have nothing against tribal tattoos. As much as I don´t want to admit it myself, I´ve been a victim of the tribal and tramp stamp tattoos. For those who have tribal / tramp stamp tattoos… I was simply pointing out that these body decorations are out of date ( as will rockabily / sailor / minimalistic tattoos will be in 3, 4, 5 years from now ) regardless how much you still like them ( or not ).
I am also a fan of roses of all colors and sizes.
Tell me- Which cover image / book title do you find the most amusing?
Many thanks to all who´ve read and appreciated this post. Sending you all my love. ❤
Well, I can honestly say with a straight face I would never read any of the books…. 😂 😂 😂
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HAHAHAHAHAHA. You wouldn´t?
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Don’t believe this one…. Shalini my darling, we all know your have ‘eclectic’ reading tastes 😉 😂
Should have you do a buddy read for one of these! 😉
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And how does one narrow the selection down to just one? Hahahaha. But I can’t get over the first two. I was pretty hooked into your post just from that opening alone! Hahaha. Ooh… and Oily Oliver!!! Morgana you have the most hilarious posts!
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😂😂😂 One simple doesn’t narrow the selection down. Pick them all and have fun with them. 😉. I had to give some kind of warning. You can never tell how many angry people are just waiting to attack. Thank you for your kind words. Next up is historical romance. 😂🤦♀️ Oily Oliver is such a brute. 😂 Gotta love some proper book porn. 💜💜
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Historical romance???? Hmmm…. Now there’s the original ‘bodice ripper’ genre 😂😂😂
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Hahahaha. I´m on it ❤
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OMG! I haven’t had a good laugh after reading a blog post. Your comments on each of them were hilarious. The title “Prom King” amused me the most.
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Howling! They are so bad but your thoughts are so hilarious! made me smile, thanks for that at least even tough my eyes are bleeding for the abs and baby oil on display!
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* bows elegantly * I´m happy my post made you laugh 🙂 That there is the ultimate goal even though your eyes suffered a little. HAHA
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I thought your ultimate goal was to annoy people and you already achieved that didn’t you chica.😂😂😂
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😂😂😂😂 yeah, my goal is to piss someone off at least once a year and make the rest howl with laughter😉 ooh, me likes that nickname. 😂 where did you get it from? 🤣🤣🤣🙌
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I googled the worst names ever, the ones that wind people up and get their panties bunched and there it was.😂😂😂
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*chokes on coke* 😂😂😂😂😂 wow. I never knew. Might have to keep that one in mind.
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Hahahaha muchacha. What were they thinking???! Although… on a serious note, badly-thought-out covers seems to be a thing so maybe the readers like them? I’d be interested to know how popular these books are? It’s not my genre, so I’d have no idea.
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😂😂 they weren’t thinking at all. God knows whats with those covers. I’m not sure many readers care as long as there’s a promise for sex. I’m not sure these books are super popular, either. I know Kylie Scott is a house name ( cover: Lick ) But the rest? Haven’t even read their books.
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This is hysterical! As a writer of erotica even I can see the absurdity of many of these. I try to keep my covers and titles as tame as possible, but I have heard the cover is often what draws people in…and well, those picking out my books (Thank You!) I assume are more interested in the content than the cover. Although, I am sure someone could certainly find an argument on a case for using cover’s and title’s like the above.
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You´re absolutely right. Book covers really draw people in. But then again- many don´t care much for a book cover because lots of them are misleading ( yupp, that happens, too ). And yes! I´ve had heated discussions with people over book cover images really often because they thought the discussed cover art was something close to a Monet * shoulder shrug * I don´t have it in me to tell them they´re wrong. lol. Book covers are truly a matter of taste. And titles- Well, that´s a whole different construction sight. You can´t really judge a title too much unless you´ve read the book, you know? Maybe the title fits the story in a positively odd way. But title and cover? If it´s absurd then there´s no way of ignoring the combo.
You write erotica?
Thank you so much for reading my post. I´m happy you enjoyed it. xx
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I enjoyed reading this post, great job! If you have the chance check out my post called “trigger me”. I’d really appreciate a review from you!
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Thank you.
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